Zsigs

So, MIT has this IM system called Zephyr that I still unaccountably find useful.  Clients generally let you display a signature with your message that might be some static bit of text or might be the result of a script if you’re more into that.  I have a script that selects from a bunch of sayings, jokes, etc that I’ve collected over the years.  And which I now want to inflict on you.

Please forgive the puns and don’t take these too seriously.

• Unfortunately the universe doesn’t agree with me.  We’ll see which one of us is still standing when this is over. 
• Reality is what you can get away with.
• The truth is whatever you can’t escape.
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.  Then I remembered who was telling me this.
• I feel more like I do now than I did a while ago.
• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
• Don’t ascribe to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
• You can’t know that this sentence is true.
• Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.
• The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the unanimous views of all parts of my mind.
• Don’t immanentize the eschaton!
• Because anti-induction has never worked in the past I can be sure it will now.
• Knowledge is power.  Power corrupts.  Study hard, be evil.
• Put the romance back in necromancery.
• Everyone generalizes from one example. Or at least I do.
• You don’t understand society until you can build one out of nothing but signals and incentives.
• When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however unlikely, is probably an artifact of an incomplete hypothesis space.
• I, for one, like roman numerals.
• Debugging is like being a detective in a crime novel where you’re also the murderer.
• I don’t have pet peeves. But I do feed a number of feral peeves that live in the neighborhood.
• Napoleon Bonaparte was a master strategist who achieved immortality by living on in the form of delusional people all over the future
• “Roses” is how / you start poems of this meter / but poems about poems / are more meta and neater.
• I know not with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with adorable cockroach-sized swords.
• When did the Japanese start eating eggs?  A long たまご!
• Usually the explanation for why a thing exists is not the reason it started existing, but rather the reason it continues existing.
• The adjective “indescribable” is, by definition, never correct.
• Failure isn’t an option.  It’s mandatory.
• Start every day like you woke up surrounded by a circle of wizards who perform a summoning spell once a century
• Omniscience makes reasoning about counterfactuals harder.
• Any machine is a smoke machine when you use it wrong enough.
• I believe that inside every tool is a hammer
• I said raise the barn, not raze it!
• Remember with increasing sample size, your averages become more reliable - The Ns justify the means.
• New EA cause area: Banning everything else Thomas Midgley invented, just to be safe.
• Your eyes don’t see, you do.
• My favorite three bean soup is vanilla soy latte.
• You will forget that you ever read this zsig.
• Gaze not into the abyss, lest you become recognized as an abyss domain expert, and they expect you keep gazing into the damn thing.
• Made in China? Silly plate, you are made of China.
• Give a man a fire and hell be warm for a day. teach a man to fire and youll get your liver pecked out by an eagle every day for the rest of eternity
• When trying to understand entropy, remember that sitting still with your eyes closed will make you ever more lost - not within the universe, but between universes.
• Nothing in life is as important as you think it is, while you are thinking about it.
• Blessed are those who can gaze into a drop of water and see all the worlds and be like who cares that’s still zero information content. 
• The First Rule of Robot Fight Club is you DO NOT TALK about Robot Fight Club, or, through inaction, allow Robot Fight Club to be talked about.
• Correlation correlates with causation because causation causes correlations.
• Absence of evidence is evidence of absence.
• Market exchange is a pathetically inadequate substitute for love, but it scales better.
• Computer science is like omnipotence without omniscience.
• Your existence is not impossible.  But it’s also not very likely.
• Finally, a study that backs up everything I’ve always said about confirmation bias!
• Nobody is smart enough to be wrong all the time.
• Everything happens for a reason. The reason is a chaotic intersection of chance and the laws of physics.
• Essentially, all models are wrong, but some are useful.
• We think much less than we think we think.
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
• Because ten billion years’ time is so fragile, so ephemeral, it arouses such a bittersweet, almost heartbreaking fondness.
• Language will evolve irregardless of barriers.
• A library of all possible books contains less information than a single volume.
• Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
• Do unto others 20% better than you would expect them to do unto you, to correct for subjective error.
• Though through rough boughs
• I’m just sayin’, everyone that confuses correlation with causation eventually ends up dead.
• I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, until we’ve landed on the moon, of preventing this decade from ending.
• If you die in a documentary, you die in real life.
• My intuition pump won’t turn off and now my basement is full of scary ideas.
• One Weird Trick to hijack the inner voice of hundreds of minds by posting this message
• Most supposed conspiracy “theorists” don’t come up with their own theories; they are conspiracy *enthusiasts* at best.
• Have you tried throwing money at the problem? Yes? Well have you tried throwing it harder, using deadlier forms of currency?
• Have you tried reducing the problem to a harder one which no one will expect you to solve?
• Have you tried raising the temperature until you have enough thermal energy to overcome the problem’s energy barrier?
• Keep your identities small, so you can fit more of them in your head.
• You are a useful abstraction.
• I Went To The Platonic Realm And All I Got Was THE Lousy T-Shirt.
• A society where ubiquitous 3D printing makes the delivery of physical objects obsolete. A post-post society.
• Appeals to Purity Intuitions Considered Toxic
• Yog Sothoth is the golden key, the accursed result of the NSA’s demands. Do not call up what you can’t put down, cried the opsec researchers.
• Known thy enemy and know theyself.  You can combine these tasks and so double efficiency using the obvious method.
• Consciousness is the weakest form of telepathy, where you’re limited to reading your own mind.
• A good pun is its own reword.
• A new drug prevents the brain from speculating. You’ll never guess what happens when you take it.
• Philosophy is mainly useful in inoculating you against other philosophy. Else you’ll be vulnerable to the first coherent philosophy you hear.